


The Case of the Commandeered Cojones: or Tuvok’s Balls

by mandykaysfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alien Biology, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10557028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: Once upon a time Spock’s brain went missing; now Tuvok’s balls have suffered a similar fate.





	

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic from 2007, I think.

As was his habit, Tuvok woke before the alarm and gently stretched and twisted this way and that. His left hand rubbed his groin in the familiar scratch-and-settle maneuver. Unlike other Voyager crewmembers he did not need caffeine to kick-start his brain, so he knew something was wrong the very instant his fingers shifted his penis and attempted to roll his testicles. His scrotum was flat, empty, ball-less in fact. He tipped back his head, closed his eyes tightly and lightly squeezed the wrinkly skin between his fingers. Nothing. 

Unfortunately, he did not need to pinch himself to be sure he was awake. He slid carefully out of bed, and walked over to stand naked before his mirror. His eyes confirmed what his sense of touch had already told him – during the night, his testicles had vanished. For once he was unsure what to do first. He knew he should go to Sickbay, but the security chief in him wanted to check the logs for any sort of intruder alert or close flyby of alien ships or planets during the gamma shift. He decided he could handle security from Sickbay. He dressed rapidly, only twice not admitting his concern and giving into the urge to finger his deflated sac.

~*~*~

“Please state the nature of the medical emergency.”

Tuvok glanced around and confirmed they were alone. He found he preferred not to have an audience for this revelation.

“How may I assist you, Lieutenant Tuvok?”

“Have any other members of the crew reported to Sickbay this morning with …unusual ailments?”

“Nobody has needed medical services since 0100 hours; however the problem requiring attention was not unusual. Naomi Wildman was suffering from an earache and unable to sleep. I would be correct in assuming this is not what you mean.”

“Correct. I must assume I am the only one.”

With that, the Doctor reached for his diagnostic scanner and pointed it in Tuvok’s direction. “What seems to be the problem, Lieutenant?” He looked curiously at Tuvok’s face for a moment, but gained little useful information, other than a faint glimmer of what appeared to be worry on the usually emotionless features. That was enough to ring alarm bells in the Doctor’s matrix and he frowned at the readings.

“Some of my glands seem to be missing.”

Pituitary – some of the hormonal levels were a little high, but not enough to cause concern. Thyroid, pancreas, and liver – all readings within normal limits; the Doctor continued scanning logically, from superior to inferior. He pursed his lips as he considered Tuvok’s raised adrenalin levels. There had been nothing that required the attention of the security chief or the senior staff during the night. He aimed the scanner lower, and exclaimed excitedly. He repeated the sweep.

“You seem to have misplaced your testicles.”

“Indeed.”

The Doctor waved Tuvok to a biobed and soon was examining the more detailed full body scan.

“I can confirm they were taken by someone with medical and surgical knowledge. In fact, other than me, the only person on board with anywhere close to the level of knowledge needed to perform this task is Mr Paris, and I can assure you Sickbay was not utilized for that purpose last night. I can only conclude there must have been an intruder on board. We need to inform the captain.”

“Wait!” Tuvok’s shout and his uncharacteristic tug on the Doctor’s uniform stopped the Doctor instantly. “Before you do so, would you advise me of the effects the lack of my testicles will have upon my impending pon farr?” Tuvok would not admit to feeling uncomfortable.

“Hmm.” After a variety of under-the-breath mutters, tsks and sniffs, being a neatly programmed part of the medical doctor’s arsenal designed to alternately impress and strike fear into their patients, the Doctor turned to Tuvok and ponderously delivered his verdict.

“We must find your testicles and reattach them. Your adrenal glands, along with your pituitary and hypothalamus glands are already exhibiting alterations in the levels of hormones they are producing. The hormones produced by the testes are a vital component of the process and without them, your brain and body will essentially overload. I estimate your pon farr is due to peak in twelve to fourteen days, and unless we find them within that time, you will most likely die.”

“If my testicles prove to be unfindable, would not a dose, or doses, of synthetic testosterone suffice?”

The doctor’s projection flickered briefly. “There are several papers that have been published on the effects of pon farr on castrated Vulcans, notably those by Sotel and Tevan. Each individual’s unique DNA dictates only their own glands produce the hormones in the exact composition required.” The EMH quoted the findings in the references and composed his features into a semblance of compassion as Tuvok nodded. 

The research had been thorough and definitive. A donation of another Vulcan’s tissue, should Vorik even be amenable, was not possible, neither was meditation or a holographic alternative. As for the ritual fight to the death, Tuvok’s situation was not applicable and he had no desire to take the life of any of his fellow crew. It was time to inform the captain and begin to unravel the mystery of who got away with his gonads.

~*~*~

The senior staff took their places in the Ready Room. The captain undertook the initial explanations, allowing the Doctor’s interjections and the occasional quiet confirmation from Tuvok, who displayed his usual serene demeanor and equanimity in the face of quips and jests from Tom Paris, Harry’s acute embarrassment, B’Elanna’s forthright outbursts and Neelix’s curiosity. Chakotay reined in his feelings and presented a front worthy of a Vulcan. Kathryn Janeway demanded solutions.

Minor fluctuations in energy readings had been detected half a dozen times or so during 0200 and 0300 hours, but they were within normal tolerances and had been dismissed as background noise. Harry was sent to clean up the readings and returned with the data in time to inspect the surveillance files from Tuvok’s quarters.

There was something visible. A stream of something resembling soft grey smoke studded with flashes of silver coalesced by the bed in Tuvok’s room. He could be seen stretched out on his back, bare skinned chest rising and lowering slowly as he breathed. The smoke split into two and formed a pair of distinctly female shapes. The first bent down and placed he face close to Tuvok’s. After a few seconds, she moved her face in turn to his neck, his armpits and then his groin. She paused at his groin, and glowed dark red. Then she straightened and nodded to her companion, who took on a more solid aspect. Her form obscured her actions at his groin, but a short time later, the two returned to their original disembodied form. A diffuse red patch was seen in the centre of the smoke, and then it drifted through Voyager’s walls. Tuvok slumbered on, his modesty protected by the coverings tangled at his hips.

Harry presented his findings. He’d been able to match the energy signatures to some they’d taken earlier. Thirty-six hours ago, Voyager had stopped at a small system comprising only four apparently uninhabited planets. They had collected some ores and foodstuffs from the third planet, and left after several hours. The incidental readings from the fourth planet showed some similar spikes. Captain Janeway ordered an about-face, maximum warp.

~*~*~

Realigning the lateral sensor arrays as always produced the desired result and this time was no exception. The fourth planet was found to be shrouded by an intricate web of sensor-fooling energy beams. Tuvok, being possessed by the necessity of retrieving his taken tarry-wags, was sufficiently motivated to find the only weakness in the net, and the captain sent a communication.

For the second time, silver studded grey smoky stuff streamed through Voyager’s hull and this time three female figures took shape and faced the captain. After a little verbal fencing, the senior staff and the guests retired to the conference room.

The Luminati were a race of female shifters. Many generations ago, in their search for enlightenment, perfection, advancement and all of the usual things, they’d acquired the ability to shift from solid to gaseous forms and to pure energy, but in the process had wiped out the males of their species, and the females were only able to carry female children to term. Unfortunately, they still needed to reproduce sexually and had resorted to utilizing males from other species. Their very isolation in the region had meant that males from other species were in short supply, so they found a way to harvest the testicles of travelers and implant them into a created manikin. They were usually able to obtain several years of usage before a new set was required. The women applied to use the manikin to become pregnant and so their population was sustained. The process had an interesting side-effect in that their offspring acquired some of the characteristics of the males the women bred with. Mylina, for example, had the ability to determine male potency by scent alone, and Hallidar was what one would term a psychic surgeon; it was they who had infiltrated Voyager, explained Roshanni, indicating her companions.

“You, and you, and you,” Mylina said, indicating Tom, Harry and Chakotay and the others, “I examined you all.” She frowned at Neelix. “Not you. You must have been awake.”

“Play the enhanced security logs,” ordered Janeway and gave the times the computer had detected the Luminati energies.

Her own quarters were displayed first, and Kathryn Janeway broke into a sweat, but they were tidy and she was adequately covered. The familiar smoke split and she was sniffed, but only the faintest of pink tinged Mylina.

Tom was next. Naked, he sprawled out practically over the whole bed. He flushed, his fair skin now reddened more than the recording of Mylina’s moderate rosy hue.

Harry wore pyjamas and his eye mask. Mylina grew quite red and it was obvious she and Hallidar entered into a discussion regarding Harry’s suitability as a donor. He blushed even more than Tom did, and his hands strayed protectively to his groin.

“You gave us some trouble.” Mylina giggled softly at B’Elanna, when all present saw she turned a strong red color at B’Elanna’s groin. 

Hallidar joined in the laugh. “You have more…balls…than that one,” and she pointed to Tom.

“We almost decided on your first officer. He is filled with good male essence, but he,” indicating Tuvok, “had the strongest I’ve ever come across. His seed will service our women for many years.”

It was up to Tuvok to break the silence that followed that.

“I am afraid you are mistaken.”

“I am never mistaken.” Mylina drew herself up.

“I am Vulcan.”

“And Vulcan’s are obviously a race of manly men.”

Kathryn clamped her lips shut. Sometimes she was convinced the universal translator had a sense of humor.

Tuvok sighed. “There is an aspect of Vulcan physiology that you know nothing about that provides a fatal flaw to your plan.”

“Here we go,” muttered Tom to Harry. “The worst kept secret in years.”

“You mean…?”

“Yeah.”

“Vulcans undergo a process known as pon farr once every seven years in which certain hormone levels elevate significantly. It is during this time they are fertile, but the process depends on more than just the testicles. This time of hyperfertility lasts only a few days, and other glands are involved. Without their secretions, none of you will conceive. My yongles are inutile for your purpose, and should be returned immediately.”

Roshanni turned on Mylina. “You did not detect this?”

“How could I? I’m not a physiologist. I just smell hormones.” She turned to Chakotay. “Are you Vulcan?”

“Ahh, my yongles are also inutile for your purpose.” Tuvok’s phraseology was better than anything Chakotay could come up with on the spur of the moment.

Harry made no secret of covering his groin this time.

“But what shall we do?” wailed Hallidar. “I was to conceive during the next cycle and the manikin is empty.”

“Perhaps our doctor may be able to assist you -” began Kathryn when she was interrupted by Neelix.

“Captain, if I may?”

She waved Neelix to go ahead. She could always veto his idea if it was unsuitable.

“Mylina, does the person have to be asleep when you test their hormones?”

“Why, no. It’s just much easier for us if they are.”

“Then could you test mine?”

“Mr Neelix, I cannot allow -,”

“It’s all right, Mr Tuvok.”

Neelix stood and stroked his jaw as he waited for Mylina to come close and smell him.

Mylina placed her nose close to Neelix’s neck and inhaled deeply. A smile broke over her face and as she inhaled again, she reddened. The color deepened and brightened and suddenly she was pulling at Neelix’s clothes.

“This is the one!” she cried and then asked anxiously, “Not Vulcan?”

“Talaxian.”

“You would help us voluntarily?” queried Roshanni.

“Talaxian males carry two extra sets of embryonic testicles,” explained Neelix when he finally managed to get a word in edgewise. “The Doctor can stimulate one set and I will give them to the Luminati on the condition the return Mr Tuvok’s testicles immediately.”

Hallidar immediately vaporized and a cloud of sparkling grey smoke whooshed away without waiting for Roshanni’s approval. In as short amount of time imaginable, she returned, her centre glowing red.

“I think Sickbay would be more suitable for this operation.” Janeway’s tone made it clear that was an order and not a suggestion. “Involved parties only,” she added.

~*~*~

And so the EMH was able to get another paper on alien anatomy and physiology, Neelix was pleased to think that somewhere out there his family line would continue many, many times over, and Tuvok’s testes were returned and reattached in time for his pon farr, but that’s another story.


End file.
